


Goose Games

by Head_Of_Ianus



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Animals, Fluff and Crack, Look I don't even know why, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25282756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Head_Of_Ianus/pseuds/Head_Of_Ianus
Summary: Now that they are officially dating, Bond has decided that it is time to introduce Q to one of his best friends, Greta.Or: It's a wonderful morning in London, and Greta is (in Q's opinion) a horrible, horrible goose.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	Goose Games

**Author's Note:**

> Geese are incredibly intelligent and I love them in principle, but they are also treacherous bastards, thus I am,,, conflicted
> 
> Fills the square "Goose" from the 007 Fest 2020 Fluff Prompt Table :)
> 
> I hope this is as fun to read as it was to write!

Greta the Goose ruffles up, hisses, snaps, and almost takes Q‘s nose of clean. Bond, bless god, had pushed him back just in time and raises an eyebrow as he looks down at his partner, squatting on the ground and uselessly trying to intimidate (?) his poor feathered friend.

Greta is _highly_ unnerved by these proceedings.

„You know, I don‘t think geese are quite that terrible, but this one, in particular, seems to be an arsehole.“

„Maybe you should stop threatening her.“

„I am trying to get a look at the ridges inside of her beak, James. Did you know they have those?“

„Did you know that most animals interpret staring straight at them as a potential threat?“

Q looks up and away from Greta at Bond and then back to Greta, and seems to realize what he‘s been doing for the past couple minutes. A hint of pink creeps into his ears and cheeks, and he finally makes to get up and out of danger:

„She was Eve‘s birthday gift for you?“

„She gifted me a partnership for her, yes. I think I once told her that we had geese back home, and then skipped the part where we ate them for Christmas.“

Greta makes another disgruntled sound, and her black eyes gleam disapprovingly, but she waddles over to Bond nonetheless.

„Anyway, I got attached to my dear girl, and I like to think she got attached to me as well, huh?“

Q expects nothing. Greta, however, outright chatters at James and nibbles on his jeans in a cheap imitation of kisses as though the bloody animal understands every single thing they are saying. Bond smiles down at her but doesn‘t try to pet her. Q struggles to understand this relationship.

„How do you even befriend a goose?“

„Cold-hearted bribery. Just feed yourself into their good favors, and respect their space. They are pretty intelligent birds, after all.“

„So... I could try to give her a bit of the lettuce you brought?“

„I appreciate your efforts to get along with my friends.“

„That just sounds sad, James.“

Greta, upon being offered lettuce, shoots Q a glance of distrust and takes great care to inspect him for a few seconds. To Q‘s absolute disbelief, she then looks up at Bond for confirmation that this stranger is safe to take food from. _Bloody hell_. He feels a sudden urge to protect his kneecaps from being nipped – and then Bond does some of his goose magic to show approval, and the bipedal demon rips the entire head of lettuce out of his hands. Listless, Q watches as Greta runs off with a final honk to Bond, who looks positively enamored with the beast, and deadpans:

„Darling, I don‘t think I want to meet your other friends anymore.“


End file.
